About me

In a nutshell….

I was born in South Africa,  into a middle class family in the late 1970’s. The eldest of 2 sons. My parents divorced when i was 4 years old. Initially, after the divorce, i lived with my Mother – but for some reason desperately wanted to be with my dad. After my first year of school in Durban, i left my mother and moved in with my Dad. He was renting a small cottage in the suburb of Rivonia, Johannesburg.

Growing up i was a very needy kid,  constantly seeking attention. Often demanding of people more than they could give.  Nevertheless, the wheel of life turns and we move on and up, and we learn to adapt or just fit in. To assist with this process of fitting in we forge some kind of identity – one that is accepted. If not by the masses, at least by minority groups. Why? Because deep within we desire to be loved, accepted and ultimately we want to belong. We want to know and believe in our deepest being that we belong! Completely, without any shadow of doubt…

My life to date has been shadowed by this doubt of acceptance. However,  From my early teens it became clear that the opposite sex took an interest in me. More so than the other boys i surrounded myself with. I liked the fact that girls liked me, found me attractive… I felt a “sense of acceptance”.

It is this “sense of acceptance” that turned into my great obsession. An addiction. An addiction that has dominated the large majority of my adult life. I have been  enslaved to this obsession, this need, this illusion of acceptance – and somewhat helpless, incapable of overthrowing the Master. Who does one talk to? Who accepts adulterous men? Isn’t there a special place in hell for the adulterous? for the womanizers?

Yes! I am a sex addict…I have used hundreds of women, taken advantage of the weak,  the vulnerable and the lonely. Why, you may ask? … Because i was accepted, even if only for a fleeting moment.

Moving on…..  what compounds the intensity of my sin and shame is the profound encounter i had with “Christ” at the age of 19. Casual sex just didn’t feel right any more. Apart from the “minor” Religious influence of my grand parents, i grew up fairly independent in my understanding of God. I’ve always believed there is a God, and that Jesus was somehow related to this God.  In this encounter, God revealed that he has nothing further to say to all humanity outside of his son Jesus Christ.

To cut a long introduction short….

This blog is an attempt to unravel the hundreds of lies that control my life. Driven by the desire to be real, to be true and to be free!!!

Feel free to comment and share your own stories..

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